---
title: ' Loneliness: Coping with the gap where friends used to be'
date: '21-07-2021 00:00'
taxonomy:
    category:
        - scratchpad
    tag:
        - loneliness
        - relationship
feed:
    limit: 10
author: 'Olivia Laing'
aura:
    pagetype: website
metadata:
    'og:url': 'https://danpercival.com/scratchpad/loneliness-coping-with-the-gap-where-friends-used-to-be'
    'og:type': website
    'og:title': 'Loneliness: Coping with the gap where friends used to be | DANPERCIVAL'
    'og:author': 'Dan Percival''s Blog'
---

[center]![Loneliness: Coping with the gap where friends used to be](loneliness-and-coping.jpg "Loneliness: Coping with the gap where friends used to be")[/center]

_Friendships can be difficult, and lockdowns have made them even harder to maintain. But we should cherish them_

From [here](https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/jul/18/loneliness-coping-with-the-gap-where-friends-used-to-be)

> _From the article "Loneliness is not the same as being alone. It can be defined as a feeling of lack in response to an insufficiency of emotional closeness and connection. Everyone has different levels of contact they feel comfortable with, which is why some are truly content in solitude, while others feel deep loneliness despite being in a relationship or having a seemingly vast circle of friends. Loneliness is not about numbers. It’s about the depth of the connection, the feeling that you are being seen and loved."_

> _"What’s important to understand is that this is a warping of perception, which does not accurately represent reality. It’s the equivalent of the anorexic’s damaged sense of their own body: a dangerous illusion that needs to be challenged on a daily basis. It was the single most helpful thing I learned during my own lonely years, though I know that during the pandemic I let myself forget it, tumbling back into the paranoid self-doubt that is the hallmark of loneliness."_

"Paranoid self-doubt that is the hallmark of loneliness" - that's so true with my brain

[A TIME article about Covid 19 and loneliness](https://time.com/5833681/loneliness-covid-19/ "A TIME article about Covid 19 and loneliness")

From that article

_At the very least, COVID-19 is making loneliness easier to talk about, which could encourage people who struggle with it to seek help or reach out to connections they do have, Perissinotto says. There’s a certain amount of stigma attached to any mental illness, but loneliness can be uniquely uncomfortable to talk about. It can feel like a personal failing to admit you don’t have the social network you want, and there’s a tendency for others to blame the victim, Perissinotto says. In one [1992 Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167292182009) study, for example, participants rated a fictional lonely person as less likable, social, competent and attractive than a non-lonely person. Experts hope that the fact that loneliness is now mainstream and easier than ever to talk about will finally change that perception._